cabitrack22

ooh so im really bored and i havent wriiten in here in a long time...i can see why there are no options to do shit with this site!! damn...i love my xanga so much!! but yeah so im bored...

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=lilredstp

So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love

Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no

Come on, Come on
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love

Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love

We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love (x7)

Accidentally

I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally (X 2)

Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her

Love ...I'm in love

today was my first day at work. It was good for the most part. it was boring and my back hurt a lot, but Traci and Amanda are cool. I have to work tomorrow too. I have to learn to open and close the Home store now, cuz ive learned the majority of everything in the old store, so yeah. i still need a code for the register too, but whatever. Kathy is working tomorrow so i have to get my tax shit and my permit together too. Oh well...im just dreading next friday!! it is going to be hell...after working a week, i will have to work on the day after thanksgiving from open to like 2....AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Oh yeah...Kali stopped by too! After i got out of work, i went to burger king and i saw chris styer working there and then some dude was hitting on me. it was fucking hilarious. then i went home. then i went to felspauch where i talked to nathan for quite a while. He actually got his tounge pierced yesterday, and apparently dan went through with it too. lol that is gunna be funny to see. i think his mom is gunna be pissed tho. Then i brought tony food, and my dad called me a bajillion times while i was sittin there at his house. i got home and my dad was like pissed cuz i was gone for over an hour (which i wasnt aware of), and that i didnt answer my phone. oh well...hes always mad......

i know ive done this already, but its kinda changed, so im redoing it for now....

Whos your best friend?: i dont know that i have one...
How long have you know your best friend?: ....
Who's your funniest friend?: Tomy
Loudest?: Dan strole
Druggie?: Nathan or Aaron
Most Rebellious: Big Rob maybe...or Steve-o
Prettiest: Christine
Hottest: i have several...so yeah...
Sweetest: Rob
Stupidest: me or travis
Most Trustworthy: rob katy, or brenna
Dependable: i dun really know
Weirdest: Tomy
Most Outgoing: christine
Most Annoying: angela
Best For Advice: Rob
Sluttiest: tony...haha j/k...i dont really know...
Which one of your friends will lose there virginity before marriage?: no comment...
Do any of your friends do drugs?: yup
Do any of your friends drink and smoke?: yup
Have you ever had a crush on any of your friends?: yes and it always ends badly...
Do you wish you looked like one of your friends?: yes...christine
Did you ever wonder what it would be like to be one of your friends?: all the time...
What friend do you hang out with the most?: um...i dont really know...i hang out with different ppl
Who's the most fun to be around?: rob steve and dan...(yall are like my brothers)
Are any of your friends Bi/Gay/Lesbian?: not any of my close friends...that i know of
Do you have sexual fantasys about one or some of your friends?: haha umm....
Do you talk to your friends a lot?: most of them...some everyday, some just once in a while
Who do you get in arguments the most with?: steve or tony (even tho it doesnt count as an argument cuz i just get upset...i never tell them im upset tho)....
Who do you sometimes just want to choke homer simpson style?: my parents all the time
Are any of your friend obsessive?: yes
Do you get weird nicknames from your friends?: not really

ok so i know i havent written in a while....life is sucked, then it was starting to get better, but everything is going downhill so quickly right now i dont even know what to think anymore!!

back when my parents were being assholes all the time, i was going nuts, and i was being my bipolar self and being depressed all the time. then tony asked me out (even tho it didnt last long, just knowing that he is my friend is a really good thing) and like two weeks after that, i had a talk with my dad and he started trying to not be an ass all the time, and people seemed to care about me a lot more, even though i wasnt needing it as much as usual because everything ahd been going so well.

well recently, my parents are back to where they started, if not worse. People dont seem to care at all, (with the exception of Rob...i dont know where i would be without him). I dont talk to Tine a whole lot anymore b/c we arent doing cheerleading. Tony doesnt seem to care that much anymore...even tho we talk like every night (which to be completely honest i dont know why he does...maybe to keep my sanity intact), he's been acting different lately too...he's not as nice to me as he used to be, and i miss that b/c i hate getting upset about it. Steve has been an ass a lot lately. He needs to realize first of all that although i may considered one of the guys to them, that i am a girl and he cant be rough with me like he is with them. Also he knows i have issues and some of the stuff he says really gets to me. I cant help it. He is like my brother and it shouldnt be that way. I really care about him.....and my other friends.

i cant even keep promises to myself. i am harming myself and i know it, but i am so upset all the time and i cant even seem to chagne it no matter how hard i try to cope with the shit going on around me. i am not doing anything to punish myself, but to temporarily relive some of the pain i guess. i dont even understand myself anymore. i dont know what is happening to me. i am so lonely, and my parents are horrible, my back is screwed up, i am screwed up, and i cant take it anymore!! I dont know what to do.....

So we get up Saturday morning, eat breakfast, get dressed, and then christine and I went to her house...WITH NO FEAR!!...to get the rest of her stuff! So we do that which took like forever, then i took her to the tanner, and then back to Mrs. O'rourkes house. I get Erin and we leave. I get home, and i get ready to take a shower, but i realized that i didnt get blowdry cream we had gotten shampoo so i had to go exchange it. I get back and tine calls me to see if i wanna do sumthin with her and molly so im like yeah. I take my shower get ready and go to the mall with them. We are at the mall, and steve calls, then comes. Then Travis comes. We go to see irobot. It was fun! more about that in the next entry...which you prolly wont be able to read!! mwuahahaha!!

So me and Tine woke up and went to team mass, almost late. We were the last ones to get there. And then after church tine and me went back to her house took showers and made the puppy chow and the layer cake...which there is still some left so i am gunna eat it! Then we started gettin ready for the game, which took us forever and still had to take Katie Potter home. So we were gettin ready to take Katie home, and Christine's mom was like "no it'll be quicker if you take the backroads", so she got us a map that wasnt accurate, and so we got lost like 3 or 4 times in the middle of fucking nowhere, and had to call her to figure out where the hell we were. We finally got to Katie's dropped her off, then took Erin home, ran to Right Aid, which is when i realized I still needed someone for Bingo and at this point we had been running late for about 2 hours lol. We were gunna be like a half hour late to the game. Nobody answered to work bingo, and then angela called me back so i put her in there. Then we went back, got Erin, went to the game, and Dayna left and went to sit on the bench for every other fucking cheer!

Then after the game, I took Christine to her house to get her stuff together b/c while her family is up north, she is stayin with coach. So we get to her house at 10:00pm and the lights in the house are on. So she figures that they left the lights on so that people think they are home. So we unlock the front door and walk in, and the door from the den into the kitchen is wide open, and there are two screwdrivers laying on the floor! And right by the kitchen door there is a towell just like thrown on the floor, then we thought we heard sumthin. So we got back in the car and drove down the street into this parking lot, and tried to call her parents who wouldnt answer their cell phones, and they werent up north yet either. So we went and got her neighbor Ron, and he came inside with us and we looked around and didnt find anything missing or anyone there. So we got our stuff, and then left at like 10:50. It was freaky driving home, cuz we were on these country roads, and they were all foggy and the moon was orange, (but i think it was actually mars not sure tho), and i am driving like 30, 40 mph, cuz i dont wanna miss the road, cuz we had already been lost that day and didnt wanna get lost in the dark. So christine is like "Yeah you wanna drive any slower so that when the hooked man jumps out at ur car he can attach himself to it?" that was great. And then we pull into molly's driveway and the girls all jump out to scare us from behind the fucking garage this was way bad but hey didnt know about the breakin thing yet. So while we are there, Christine's mom calls us and tine asks her about the screwdrivers on the floor...so Mrs. Curtis asks Gracie. Gracie is like "umm...OH YEAH!" We're like Holy God Gracie we thought we were gunna die b/c of her!! ARG!!

Then we went downstairs, molly and i talked a bit, then we went to sleep.

Thursday we had practice, and then i went back to christines house, we bought the shit for puppy chow and the other stuff, then went home to her place. We ate and talked about how adrienne is a bitch, and then she watched Armageddon and i fell asleep! Woohoo for thursday!

Ok so i found out that i have Scoliosis, and that is why my back hurts all the time, including now! I also found out that i have a separation of my muscles in the front and that if i dont strengthen my muscles, i could end up with a hernia, oh yay! And on top of that, im getting kinda sick of Patrick, b/c Brenna told me that he was sayin he doesnt like to talk on the phone and thats why he doesnt, but he never gets online either...i think he just doesnt even wanna talk to us, or just me i dunno. He never calls or gets online or anything...there is absolutely no initiative there. I dont even know how i feel anymore...i think i dont even care i am so confused! This boy is driving me CRAZY!!!

Today was nothing but everyone fighting, and stress of other stuff going on right now. The Patrick thing is driving nuts, and so is the deal about last night. I really dont know whats going on anymore. I am just glad that tomorrow school starts and i dont have to deal with this shit everyday, all day. It really sucks! Its just glad to know that i have some friends that care about me and what is going on...or so some have told me. Well i'm off!

its 930 and im gettin ready for church. blah!! Im tired and i hurt and my muscles are sssoooo sore! i woke up and my phone was vibrating, so i look at it up on the table, and it said missed call...(sry travis)! yup i slept right through it lol! So yeah...well im off to church...more later if im up to it...

Take the quiz: "Are you over him?"

Burned out
You still remember him a lot and you still dreaming that he'll come back to you

Take the quiz: "What is your Perfect type of guy?"

The Shy Type
You don't lkike to do much in relationships, do you?

haha umm....im thinking not... lol

Take the quiz: "how easy are you?"

not bad baby
hey, your just right... like a tie on avril lavine, a little loose, and always attached to a bitch. you should find a nice person, and get a meaning ful realtion ship, dont rush into sex unless your really really horny, then RUN LIKE HELL to the bedroom strip on the way it speed it up alittle.

Take the quiz: "Is love right for you?"

Yes, Definitley, A good lover you are
You are a great friend, and a great boyfriend or girlfriend, Bravo, I would go out with you, of course if you are a girl!

Take the quiz: "Are you faithfull"

faithfull
you are the perfect lover and i wish you a happy life!

Take the quiz: "Your Psych-Ward diagnosis"

Bipolar Disorder
Diagnosis: BiPolar Disorder
Sometimes severe mental disorder involving manic episodes that are usually accompanied by episodes of depression. The manic phase of the disorder is characterized by an abnormally elevated or irritable mood, grandiosity, sleeplessness, extravagance, and a tendency toward irrational judgment. During the depressed phase, the person tends to appear lethargic and withdrawn, shows a lack of concentration, and expresses feelings of worthlessness, self-blame, and guilt.

Whoa!! Actually I really am Bi-polar...this is weird that it knew this....

Take the quiz: "Your Method of Suicide"

Gun
Damn...seriously, either you wanna do it quick so no one will find you or you are just a wimp that cant take pain. If these dont apply to you, you are probably scared that youll change your mind about dying. Which probably means...you may not wanna die

Take the quiz: "What Kinda Kiss R U?"

Tender Kiss
The tender kiss is the feeling where you can be anywhere and show your feelings.

Take the quiz: "what sort of boy are you looking for?"

completely devoted to you
You are in need of a boy who would think of nothing but you and live solely because you exist. All right, maybe not, but you prefer a very close relationship. You don't need other friends as long as he's there for you and you for him. It's as if you two live in your own closed universe and are completely content with that scenario. As long as he's in your world and you're in his, everything is right.

Take the quiz: "What X-Men character are you?"

Sabertooth
You're a bad bad kitty. You'll try anything to get Rogue to your master, Magneto, but can never acheive it because of that Wolverine

ok so i ate yesterday...i had soup and macaroni and cheese (which i ate with my hands lol) and two hot dogs, but now my stomach hurts worse than b4...i think there is something wrong with my stomach, b/c it hurts when i stretch and i couldnt move a lot last night or it would hurt. I dont know...and my back has been killing me more than usual! It's horrible pain, and i am very worried about having to deal with it during school...i cant be taking shit for it and bein on meds for it all day, and i know i cant sit upright in a chair for an hour and a half with out like dying! I asked my dad to get me a doctor appt to look at my back, cuz my mom wont. maybe they will give me some strong pain killers or some muscle relaxers i really just dont care as long as it doesnt hurt. I just dont want to have to quit cheerleading cuz of it if i dont have someone do sumthin, cuz i cant stand there for a whole game without going nuts. Im on Orudis like 24/7 pretty much and the most u can take is 2 every 6 hours. It helps with the pain but its still there. I'm getting worried! I dont know what to do anymore and my mom doesnt believe me and wont take me to a doctor!

It is getting harder and harder for me to eat...i dont eat as much as i used to, maybe one meal a day, and when i do eat it hurts and i get an upset stomach. I dont wanna be anorexic again, but i couldnt help it when it happened last time. I think im just not hungry cuz im workin out a lot. And i've only lost like 2 pounds or so in the past couple days, so its not bad. I dunno...some people are thinking im anorexic and im not..today i had a shake and some soup, yesterday i had fries and a shake and later on a sandwich at 830, and the day b4 i had a sandwich and some popcorn. so i have been eating....

I just want someone to hold me and tell me im fine and that everything is ok!

1. Time you started: 3:45

2. Full Name: Bethany Ann Clous

3. Nicknames: little red, sped...(cuz i am one) lol

4. Height: 5'4ish"

5. Pets: one bitch...erin

6. Thongs or Panties: Thongs

7. Boxers or Briefs: boxers

8. Sex: female

9. Birthday: june 8th

10. Zodiac sign: gemini

11. Location: michigan

12. Birth Place: michigan

13. Hair Color: this really sexy red color

14. Eye Color: brown

15. Siblings: one bitch

*The CRUSH Side*

16. Are you in love?: no not right now

17. Are you more interested in guys or girls be honest: guys

What do you like the most on the opposite sex?: body / personality / hands ;-)

19. Do u have a crush?: yeah


20. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? no

*The PAST Side*

21. What age would you go back to?: none cuz with age comes privilages...im happy with being 17 for now

22. Memory you miss most: i dunno...being happy all the time

23. Memory you would like to forget: getting yelled at, even tho i cant forget it cuz it still happens all the time everyday

24. What'd you do today: practiced and went school shopping

25. Last person you talked to on the phone: brenna


26. Last thing you said: fuck...cuz i hit my back that was already hurting on the chair


*The FAVORITE Side*

27. Food: haluski

28. Drink: mtdew

29. Alcohol: margarita


30. Band and Singer: dont like just bands...i listen to a song if i like the music

31. CD: um...apc, velvet revolver~contraband, or the offspring~splinter

32. Thing to eat for lunch: i dont really eat lunch anymore


33. Day of the week: saturday

34. Month: june

35. favorite number: 2

36. Holiday: christmas

37. Cookie: white macadamia nut

38. Color: red

39. Ice Cream topping: strawberry syrup

40. Candy or mint: candy

41. Favorite channel: fox i think

42. Movie: um the notebook maybe...

*The PEOPLE YOU KNOW Side*

43. Friend that you wish you still had: um...quinn

44. Best friend: dun really have one

45. Best guy friend: um...steve is like my brother no doubt!

46. Favorite vacation spot: i duno i never get to go anywhere

47. Loudest friend: um...me

48. Silliest friend: um...ciara or christine

49. Best at keeping secrets: i really couldnt tell ya considering the fact that if i told someone a secret and they told someone else, i prolly wouldnt know

50. Smartest: Rob prolly

51. Most likely to be a stripper: joy...? lol um i duno other than her but she already is a porn star so yeah

52. Sweetest: um...i dunno

53. Weirdest: brenna


54. Funniest: ciara or lauren

55. Most annoying: angela


*BELIEVE OR NOT Side*

56. Aliens: maybe

57. Angels: duno

58. heaven and hell: duno

59. God: im trying

60. Yourself: not really


*The HAVE YOU EVER Side*

61. Been on a plane: no

62. Cried in public: yes

63. Climbed a tree: yes

64. Ate A Worm: no

65. Gone bungee jumping: no

66. Met a celebrity: i walked right past justin timberlake once, but i never met him


67. Met the president: nope

68. Been scared to get shot: yes often

69. Watched New Years Eve celebration in all different time zones: yeah on tv

70. Shopped at Abercrombie Fitch or Hollister: ive been in ambercrombie but im too poor for that shit

71. Carson Daily: ew

72. Bill Clinton: for an old guy he's not that bad...i wouldnt have screwed him tho

73. Lollipops: good for suckin...

74. Dreams: the only thing i have to go on and look forward to

*What do you think about...*

75. Love: im sick of it..i hate love! it screws me over all the time


76. Whipped Cream: well in the famous words of travis.."it'd be awesome to do it in a tub of whipped cream cuz then u could eat it while u were doin it"

77. South Park: best cartoon ever

78. Britney Spears: slut

79. Christina Aguilera: slut

80. Guys: o lord...why..im sick of them all

81. Girls: um...i dunno tend to be bitchy and spiteful..then again thats me

*The WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER side*

82. 2-door/4-door car? 4

83. Dog/Cat: dog

84. Blue/Purple: purple

85. Chocolate/Vanilla: what exactly are we discussing here? lol i have two answers..lol

86. Pen/Pencil: Pen

*The QUESTIONS THAT DON'T MATTER, BUT I'M STILL ASKING side*

87. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: yeah cuz i get lonely

88. If so, what is its name?: big bear

89. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? red

90. How many buddies do you have on your buddy list: who fucking knows

91. Do you like this survey: something to do


92. One pillow or two, cotton or feather? 4 and cotton

93. Do you make your bed every morning?: hell no

94. How long are you in the shower?: 20 mins half hour ish

95. How do you eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup: eat the middle then the outside


96. What does your name mean? duno


97. Did you have to look up the meaning?: um i duno

98. What do your parents do for a living?: dad is a computer nerd...(comp programer) mom is a unit clerk


99. What occurs once in a second, twice in one hour, and never in three hundred years? the letter 'o'

100. How many people will respond to this? prolly just brenna

101. Who are you sending this to that you most want to reply: no one

102. What's your fav. Oxymoron?: dunno


103. What your favorite candle smell: plumeria

104. Do you know any gay guys or lesbians? yup

105. What's your favorite video/computer game? warcraft

106. Do you have any idea what a mola mola is: no

Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry


At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby